"Growing up, I always thought I had a normal childhood, at least for what I can remember of it. I had two parents who loved me and worked hard. I had a house full of siblings when my dad was able to get them from their mom. It wasn't until I got older that I realized my parent's had a very toxic relationship and that no child should have to grow up hearing and seeing some of the things we did. When we were little, my dad drank a lot, and when we would start drinking, he didn't know when to stop. Little did we know at the time, he was also smoking a lot of crack back then. My dad was a mean and violent drunk. There are some nights I can remember him leaving to go out and I would hope that he wouldn't come back home. He would always fight with my mom, and hit on her when he was in that state of mind. There were a few occasions I thought he was going to kill her. He would come home in the middle of the night and grab me out of bed and take me from her and take me to other women's houses. My mom would leave him, but she always went back, until one day, we left for good. She packed us up, and we moved back to Kentucky where she was from. I didn't get to see my brothers and sisters much anymore, but I had another older sister up here. A year or so went by and my mom met someone new. I can remember her leaving me and my sister home alone all weekend to go stay with him, and not letting us go. "He liked his peace and quiet," is what she would tell us. I have always been a loud and obnoxious girl and when we went to move in with him she told me, "I can't be like that over there." I hated her for that and I hated him. I felt like she was changing herself for him and wanted me to change myself so he would like us. They worked night shift and the summer before high school I met a girl down the road. She hung out with an older crowd and invited me down to a party. I had never been to a party like theirs. All in one night, I smoked my first cigg, smoked crack, got drunk, and lost my virginity. I felt seen, and heard, and I loved every minute of it. I went wild this summer. I also found myself in bad situations. I was raped this same summer, by four different guys in one night. My drink had been spiked upon arrival to a party which paralyzed my body for several hours. Police came later and my mother was called. I attempted to tell her what happened but she was so mad I had snuck out and didn't believe me at the time. When they found out I snuck out, my mom sent me away to live with my dad, the one who she took me and ran from. I started to hate her even more then. So, to New Jersey I went, where I fell in with another crowd. Skipping school, drinking, and smoking weed. My parents continued to think that moving me around and switching schools would do the trick. All four years of high school, I went to a different school each year, and lived in a different state. I ended back up at my moms by senior year. I met the father of my child before I graduated, and moved in with him as soon as I turned 18. He was selling pain pills, and the first one I tried, was a whole different world for me. I was pregnant right out of high school and had my first baby at 19, and was pregnant again five months later. Two babies at 20, doing pain pills, and found myself in a very abusive and toxic relationship. Their dad was in and out of prison. We had the police called on us one night for a domestic violence dispute and when they came, they found cocaine in my apartment. Neither of us could pass a drug screen, which led us losing custody of our children. He went back to prison, and I lost my mind. I ended up on heroin. For ten years, I became an IV user. Heroin was my bestfriend and my worst enemy. Meth and Xanax were my blankets as well. I had another baby in active addiction, and I tried to get it together for him. After 11 months, I lost him too. I went a total of 8 years being in active use, in and out of jail, and treatment centers, and not seeing or talking to my children. I lost all rights. I overdosed and died, but God spared me. I sold my body for drugs, I lied, I stole, and robbed people. I became this person I hated and I begged God to let me die. He had bigger plans for me! My mother worked with the cops to set me up on my last run. After sitting in jail for 10 months, they released me to treatment where I went for 17 months. I worked and I worked hard. I had accepted that heroin would kill me, I wasn't afraid. Today, I have almost 5 years clean from the needle. I get to see my children and my oldest son LIVES WITH ME. I have a beautiful wife who loves me and adores me. We bought a house and just got a new car. We both work in recovery and work to help other people. I'm working towards my BSW in Psychology. I have a relationship with my parents! Most of all, I don't have to wake up and do anything degrading to get what I want or need!"